Another Traveling Song

One Year, One Month, One Day

2010-05-25T10:07:00.001-07:00

Have you ever been asked the question, where will you be in 5 years?

Immediately upon being asked the question, we all have that vision in our head, of where we hope to be, whether or not we want to admit it. But these long term plans just don't seem realistic at all. How can anyone have a remote idea of where they will be in 5 years. If I were to think back 5 years from today, I don't even remember where I was at. 2005, late May, meaning school is out for the summer, except I didn't really get a summer that year, since I went to a highschool that robbed my soul and any free time, in exchange for a physics class and a free trip to Busch Gardens. Who would've thought at that point I'd be where I am today, sitting in a Cusco hostel writing a blog entry about how unrealistic any of our long term expectations are.

That's what's beginning to bother me, is that no matter how you plan things, it never really seems to work out, and you end up a world away from where you thought you would be. I'd be shocked if anyone's five year plan has them anywhere near what they had anticipated.

But it goes beyond a ridiculous length of time like 5 years. Think about even one year ago. A year ago I was on the cuspice of everything I had ever wanted. I was going to be spending a summer abroad with my best friend, I had everything in poker going well for me, I was crazy about one of the greatest girls in the world, and I had such a well balanced life. I thought nothing could go wrong, but somehow it did. In a year's time I've made several poor decisions, and had multiple unexpected things go the other way, and I'm still not really sure what to account that to. I've estranged myself from reality, lost several best friends, and I feel like poker is just this inescapable abyss.

This summer was supposed to be a new start though. Fresh perspective, coming off a semester of school, freedom, extra time, motivation, another amazing girl, more summer travel plans, and a severe drive to work hard and succeed in poker. I can't even begin to describe the failure the last month of my life has been.

I guess I can start with poker, since that's why most people read this. I don't really care about how bad I've run, or the beats I've taken, but the last month has been so surreal that I've began to question my sanity. I put in more time in poker in a 3 week span during FTOPS/SCOOP than probably anybody else out there just to breakeven. I final table bubbled a $300 FTOPs after being 1/11, and 2 SCOOPs, one of them when I was 1/10, in addition to a 12th in the Sunday 500, 16th in 109cubed, an 11th in the 162 6max, and a 12th in the 163 on FTP. If I had even gotten 3rd in any one of those tournaments I'd be out of makeup and free. Instead I continue my indentured servitude with little to no reward, with some vain hope that there's some evanescent light at the end of the tunnel that I might hope to capture, along with a unicorn, pot of gold, and a four leaf clover.

In regards to travel, I'm 0/3 with trips in terms of them working out as planned. Has anyone ever made a successful vacation, and if so what am I doing wrong? I love to travel, even though I just started doing so a year ago, but everytime I go somewhere, something goes terribly wrong. The Brazil trip was a total fiasco, not necessarily for me, but the person I was with. The trip put us both in a lot of awkward spots, and I feel like it has placed a significant strain on our friendship, and altered his life significantly for years to come. Europe trip was cut short after some credit card scammer in Latvia had his way with me. I literally think I'm the only person to backpack Europe for 2+ months to have never been to Spain or Italy. And now this Peru trip, I'm suffering from debilitating diarrhea, and I'll likely be the only person to ever come to Peru not to see Machu Pichu.

Maybe I'm just an unconventional traveler, or maybe I'm just awful at it. I make so many preemptive plans, do a lot of research, and know everything about everywhere I go. I honestly think I know enough about every country in the world to be a travel agent, I know travel routes, currencies, customs, traditions, etc. When I'm bored I just read about new countries on wikipedia and try to absorb them from the inside out. I'm like a walking encyclopedia of travel information. When I get to a place, I never try to make any plans, I don't have a calendar that says I'm going to go here today, and there the next. I like going with the flow, just retaining all of information in my head, but it still never plays out how I think it should.

But what does it mean to have plans pan out anyways? This time last night I was shitting non-stop, and worried completely that I'd have to miss my hike. I couldn't sleep last night because I felt so depressed that all of the plans I had made fell through. I tried to fall asleep after my 3 friends departed for the trek I had planned for all 4 of us, almost 2 months ago. But instead of sleeping I got the worst headache of my entire life which caused me to vomit several times. After a bit of sleep I got a doctor, and he wrote me some prescriptions and told me to rest for a few days. And just as my luck would have it, I'm sitting in a room at my hostel with a beautiful Finnish girl who got food poisoning and is also missing a trek with her friends because of it. Everyone else is busy away drinking at the bar, and we can hear all the noise, but instead of alcohol, we're drinking powerade together to stay hydrated so we don't die (I bought every powerade I could find today, so it's somewhat of a commodity at the moment). It's not Machu Pichu, and it's not some fancy club, I'm not wooing her, or using pickup lines, or trying to create some foreign fling (because it'd likely end in the 2 of us covered in fecal matter) , but it's a much needed real human connection. We just laid in bed exchanging stories of travel, life goals, dreams, and the sort. It was a nice change of pace, because for someone that has never met me and knew nothing about me prior, I felt like we had a greater level of understanding of each other than any other 2 people in the world. I have to say I'm happy with how things have worked out. This goes for the last five years, the last year, the last month, and even the last day. Even when you think things are the worst and nothing is working out, it always seems to turn around in the most unexpected of ways.

Of course today, the hostel randomly decided to make me change rooms, which is probably the worst beat ever, but I do have a soup date with the Finnish girl since we're still both too hesitant to try solid food. And who knows what lays in store in the new room, or what will happen tomorrow when I leave for Arequipa, or in Lima, Las Vegas, or any place beyond those in the future.

A Non Poker Update

2010-02-22T12:29:00.000-08:00

I was pretty tilted last week. I was 1/10 in the Early Stuper and ended up finishing 9th. Everything in my life was kinda lacking, so I planned a last minute trip to New Orleans with 2 of my closest friends.

New Orleans is literally the wildest place I've ever been. It had a leg on downtown Rio De Janeiro, it was the most lawless place I could imagine. There were no rules at all whatsoever, bars closed at 6am, and there were people everywhere. I missed Mardi Gras by a week, but I can't even imagine being there for that since I'm still hungover 2 days later.

Somehow in the 11 hours in the 17 hours I was in New Orleans, I managed to spend like $850. Only $40 of this was in a strip club, so the rest of the money literally went towards alcohol. I was walking around with 2 drinks at all times. It has been over a month since I had drank, so I had a lot of catching up to do.

Within an hour of being there I had had 2 hand greandes and a Jester. This pace continued the entire night. Not to mention the handle of Jack Daniels we tackled before we went out.

I had a really good time and spen t way more than I should have and almost felt bad, but I have to try to remind myself that the entire reason I play poker and put myself through the stress that I do, is so that I can go out and have a good time, especially with my closest friends. I'm not the kind of person to count dollars and cents, because I believe in the long run it will all average out.

I've learned that friends are the most important thing you can have, and taking care of them will always lead to the best possible outcome. I'm very glad to have some awesome friends, because it makes my life not suck half as much, and makes me care very little about the ups and downs of poker.

I wish words could do justice to the night I had in New Orleans, but I guess a few pictures will suffice:

Good luck to everyone this week. I bricked the FTOPS and mincashed a bunch of stuff on the biggest Sunday ever. Scoop was announced today, which I'm excited for. But I doubt I'll play much this week, I have a big homework assignment, and I need to detox myself from the craziest night ever.

Cheers,
Marty

An Update

2010-02-17T20:52:00.000-08:00

I don't even remember where I was this time last month. But wherever it was, I'm in a different place now. Summer plans have all but fizzled out, I definitely haven't been updating my blog, and regular exercise has been all but regular. School has reached a level of complete apathy, as have many other things in my life. I'm kind of liking the simplicity of things recently though.

Prior to the past week I had been trying to juggle a thousand things at once, and none of it really worked out. I got deeper into makeup than I ever thought possible, I did mediocre on a few exams, and I put myself in an awkward situation and got hurt. All is better now though, and what is exactly that makes everything better you ask?

Nothing. Literally nothing.

I have spent the last few days in a haze of weed and poker, with the melodic sounds of Grizzly Bear echoing in the background. Not a worry in the world besides when I'm going to call delivery. I actually have a system setup now where I call Jimmy John's at 42 minutes after the hour so the delivery guy arrives during synch breaks. I think it's the most genius idea ever. I've played a ton of poker, I'm up a bit after a 12k score, but winning doesn't even feel good right now, the best feeling is just having a positive outlet to pour everything into. That's probably the greatest facet of being a professional poker player, we have a job that is right there in front of us 24/7 that we can pour our heart and soul into whenever necessary. Not to mention the financial benefits.

Aside from that, a few random thoughts I have:

-Rakeback is the nuts, I never really factored this in before, but this is going to net me more than a middle class family's salary this year, regardless of success

-Makeup teaches you some very important life lessons and desynthesizes you completely to finances. Winning 5 figures and not even feeling excited because you know you're not seeing any of it is such an awkward feeling, because you know you should be happy, but there's this strange pit in your stomach that just makes you all BLAHHHH

-I am starting to get gray hair, for awhile I thought I was going blonde again, but it's becoming more apparent how gray everything is. Is 21 too young to use just-for-men-gel?

I had a defining moment last night, which is sort of what I guess prompted me to update my blog. I busted a final table after getting 5 outted on the river, so I picked up the nearest thing I could find and threw it. I looked over at my roommate Conrad and said "that doesn't change the way I feel at all, and I just feel dumb for throwing it", it was a moment of sudden clairvoyance. Today went through flawlessly on an emotional front.

Lastly, I want to congratulate PLO UFO my former roommate for all he has done in the last 3 months. In November he made some serious strides to get good at poker, he started from the very bottom and has grinded his way up all on his own accord. He has become a very good player and is going places with his work ethic and aptitude for improvement. I was very fortunate to have lived with him, and I am very proud he has accomplished his New Year's resolution of getting out of our house and doing something with his life. I wish you nothing but the best and know you will find success if you continue to put in the effort you have recently

blogger poker

2010-01-16T12:26:00.001-08:00

I have registered to play in the PokerStars World Blogger Championship of Online Poker! The WBCOOP is a free online Poker tournament open to all Bloggers, so register on WBCOOP to play.

Registration code: 072361

Landed

2010-01-06T08:33:00.000-08:00

Ok here we go.

The past month has been about as much of an emotional roller-coaster ride as you can get. But I am now landed back on my feet and the biggest problem in my life right now is the bagel I just burnt. So I guess you could say I have things pretty well off.

Poker has turned around. It's crazy how often you question things when you're running bad, but when everything is going right, you're on top of the world. In the last month I have outright wins in the 55r big ante turbo, and the $162 on Pokerstars for like 27k combined. In addition, I've had a third in a sunday $55 for 10k, a third in the 109 2x chance for $4k, and lots of other small final tables that never really amounted to any money.

The volume I've put in has been sick, but it's really great to start seeing some dividends of my time. I've gotten so much better in the last month alone that it's hard to imagine where I'll be a few months from now if I put in the same time and dedication I have recently. I've had a lot of help from Twoplustwo High Stakes Tournament community, I've posted a lot more hands than usual, and some of the responses have really had a great effect on my game. In addition, I'd say the greatest help has been my backer and friend M@D@M@D@D@NE, without him I would've had to have gotten a job years ago. But he helps keep me current in the game of poker.

As far as poker plans for the future go, I'll be cutting back on tables drastically and focusing a lot more. I'll be cutting out a lot of the lower buyin freezeouts, including the turbo ones, and mainly gearing my focus towards $55+ tournaments and some of the juicier rebuys. I want to start exceling in poker. Meanwhile, on the side I plan to work my way up in stakes in HU SNGs with M@D@M@D@D@NE helping me. I'm at the $23 turbos right now. After a slow start, I really think I have a big edge on everyone and look forward to moving up soon. If I can get good at headsup SNGs it will improve the quality of my life by a lot, because they require very little time and it will allow me a freedom of schedule that just wasn't possible before.

The above will be very important for me since I start school back tomorrow. I'm doing my schedule right now, though the drop/add system at our school is near impossible to use, I almost have the schedule I want. It will be bogged down with higher level economics classes, but it's nothing I won't be able to handle. The best part is that all of my classes will be on Tuesdays and Thursdays (at least thats the plan). This will allow me to play heavily on tuesday and thursday nights during the week since I won't have a class the next day that I'll have to study for, let alone wake up for. It will also be good for Sundays, since I'll be able to sleep in Monday as much as I want. Also, it will give me at least 3 days a week to be able to play tennis at my lesiure, and then give me plenty of nights to go out on if I choose to forego poker in lieu of a bar. And when I don't have much to do in terms of my Tuesday/Thursday classes, I'll be able to play a light schedule on Mondays and Wednesdays. I hope I get it setup.

Lately I've been waining farther and farther away from the idea of live poker. It just doesn't have much appeal to me, and after dreaming of Vegas since I was like 14 years old, and telling myself no matter what I'd go when I was 21, I just don't really feel it this year. I'll be in a position to where I'd be able to go, play a lot of events, and have a good time with some close friends from all around the world, but I've realized there's things I'd rather do. After talking with Kwame and Reef, we have this elaborate plan to bike through South America this summer, starting in Brazil and ending in Costa Rica. The plan is still very preliminary, but it's something that is getting more and more solid by the day. The route I've devised is absolutely amazing, including stops to Machu Pichu (sp?), the Galapagos Islands, and many other awesome places inbetween. We are probably still looking for another person to take the trip. The financial side of the trip is undetermined, but it will not be cheap, so preferably we'd like to go with another poker person. Also, we need someone that loves to travel, and is very low maintenance. This will be the most epic journey of our lives and I don't want to go with someone who is bitching because their feet hurt and they haven't seen hot water in 3 days. Safety is also going to be a major issue, and if you're at all concerned about living in Rio, driving through Colombia, and crossing the Darien Gap into Panama. There is no guarantee of well-being, and if you're not a risk taker, you need not apply. But if you want to get out there, do something different with your life, and take a few chances, let me know!!!

Why Are Walls Paper Thin?

2009-12-08T11:17:00.000-08:00

Another update. I'll be honest, I didn't see it coming so soon.

I had a fun weekend. Friday night I ventured over to see Christmas Carol in 3D with Jim Carey. I won't lie, I loved the movie. Animation these days is so realistic I forgot at times I was actually watching a "cartoon". After the movie, we had an international beer tour back at my house, at least all of the good international beers my local liquor store had. Well to be honest it was more of a Belgian beer tour with a Dutch and a Danish beer thrown in for good measure. I mean when it comes to beer, you don't really have to go far beyond Belgium to find something tasty. The lineup for the night included: Chimay Red, Chimay Blue, Leffe, Duvel, Grolsch, and Carlsberg. The only notable beer from Europe I liked that I was unable to find was La Chouffe. Alas, I must say the night was a great success. After having drank Miller Light for the last month since getting home, and actual beer was a nice change of pace. It take a couple of pitchers of any American beer to get me going anywhere, but after my very first Duvel I was in a good place.

After being demolished in Fifa 2010, I decided enough was enough and dragged the poker table out of our garage. With the people over, we were able to have a 7 person $1 tournament, winner take all. I dn't even remember how I lost, all that's important is that my penpal Megan won. She absolutely crushed the table with the ultimate strategy I taught her "Fold". No one knew how to counter it. She mixed it up a bit though, going both all-in and calling with AJ and 77. It was good to see her hard work pay off, and for my coaching I will be receving ice cream and Bruester's today. Sick freeroll on my part. Not to be trumped in another game, she then followed up with another victory in a 6 handed game of Skip-Bo.

Not even realizing it was 5am, everyone out a halt to the night pretty quickly. We moved the poker table back, everyone went home, and I went to sleep excited to play my first Saturday in ages.

For those not in the know, Saturdays blow. No nicer way to put it. There's tons of high buyin tournaments without much money to be made ever. Saturday is basically the equivalent of let's see how much makeup I can pile on. Even the SNG action isn't good because there's that Supernova VIP Freeroll, so every nitty regular is only trying to eek out whatever possible value they can get while mass loading $12-$60 SNGs. I should've just went up to the Ale House with my roommate and saved myself a few thousands dollars and 12 hours of my life.

After a not so good day, my roommate came home and convinced me to go to 80's night with him. I went and had a pretty good time. I got really smashed, really fast. We somehow ended up at a party afterwards where everyone was playing liquor pong. I've heard the idea before, but never actually seen it done in practice. Anyways, me and my roommate is is usually god's gift to beer pong take on 2 black guys. For simplicity's sake in my drunken stupor, I just referred to them as Kobe and Lebron, because they literally didn't miss a shot. Seriously, they ran the game on us first turn. Hello 6 shots, I'm Marty, and I'm not sure if I'll be able to handle you? I got them down after a night of already heavy drinking. We were challenged to a rematch but even I know when to back down.

When I drink I get hungry, belligerent, and crazy as hell. The only place to satisfy all 3 of these needs at 4am is Taco Bell. Let me explain Taco Bell on a Saturday at 4am in Tallahassee. It's unlike any other place I've ever been. It's just a bunch of smashed college kids slurring their orders. Everyone is still dressed up from clubs, parties, etc... , so it's always a fun experience.

The drive-thrue line was shorter than inside for ocne, so we decided to just use that. But how am I going to interact with people in a car? Well, simple solution actually. I had my roommate put down the sun roof and I stood on the seat and talked to the girl behind me in line. She was really cute, like adorable cute. I managed to get her phone number through the sun roof, and then did something I've wanted to do for awhile. I was eating Indian food with Leif one day and he told me he's always wanted to send a girl at another table a mango lassie. So branching off from this idea, I decided it'd be fun to get this girl her Taco Bell. Her order was $5.38, which I paid for, but not before me and my roommate prop bet on what she ordered. We did a weird kind of bet. I got burrito, quesadilla and nacho, while he got taco, chalupa, gordita. I liked his side of the bet more. I called the girl and asked her what she ordered. She didn't answer. Then she called me back and told me that she hopes I realize she isn't going to sleep with a random dude because I bought her her Taco Bell. HAHAHA what. God I wish I would've had a great one-liner to say there. After the fact Leif suggested I should've said "why not?", but I wasn't that brilliant at the time. I just kind of laughed and she hung up on me. I call her back and get her voicemail and tell her that I'm not trying to fuck her, but I have a high stakes bet on what she ordered and would really appreciate it if she could help me out.

I go home, fall asleep. Assuming I'll never hear from the girl again when my phone rings. She's calling to apologize, and wanted to let me know how much I made her night. She told me she overreacted before and didn't know what to do when some guy in a sun roof randomly bought her food. She told me she got a chalupa. GOD DAMN IT, WHY DID YOU EVEN CALL ME BACK IF YOU GOT A CHALUPA? THERE GOES ANOTHER $5 PROP BETTING ON YOU. SHSJSGDJDGSGFJSHGSJFHSGH. Talk about going to bed tilted.

Sunday sucked as usual. My other roommate's girlfriend got here from out of state on Friday, I don't even think they're actually dating. Anyways, they literally haven't left his room since then. Honest to god, I haven't even seen her use the bathroom. I have no idea what's going on in there, and I would even question whether or not she was alive if it wasn't for the random sounds I had to deal with all day Sunday. Literally it was awful, I swear they must've been fucking 16 out of the 17 hours I was awake. I tried to play music, but some things you just can't ignore. Since our rooms border each other's, and our walls pretty much suck. So on top of losing money I had to deal with THAT. At least I had Dexter to watch at 9PM. Wow what a show, awesome, awesome, awesome. So excited for the finale this Sunday.

Yesterday was another frustrating day in poker. I was t36 in 3 MTTs at the same time. 11cubed, 5 2r1a and the big $27.50. I busted them all within 45 seconds of each other. I threw my phone because it was the first thing I could grab. It lands in a pile of laundry, but obviously the screen smashes. WP marty, fucking WP. I'm still a terrible loser. As if that wasn't enough. I slam my door and the door knob goes through my wall making a baseball sized hole. SWEET, great day. These walls really are paper thin.

The only thing that made yesterday even remotely enjoyable was getting vengeful on my roommate. Since he doesn't leave his room, I had to think of another way. I was sitting in my room, me and Leif both grinding online. I google'd "girl getting trainwrecked in her asshole" and picked the first video that came up. I turned my volume all the way up, and connected speakers to my macbook. I put the speakers directly facing the wall and played the video. It took like 45 seconds of moaning, screaming, and a bunch of unpleasant sounds for him to leave his room and walk into mine. He comes in, stares at me and Leif, and we just play poker like nothing is going on, all the while there's some girl getting sausage slapped echoing from my speakers. We didn't even have to say anything, because I think he got the point. The noises have been reduced, and all is well in the universe. Just in case though, I ordered a much needed replacement part from Bose, so it won't be a problem either way soon.

More poker tonight. Sick PCA satellite on Sunday. 150 people, top 9 get packages. would be an awesome birthday gift. like really awesome...

Two Months Later

2009-12-04T10:30:00.000-08:00

It's crazy how fast time passes. Every day, I tell myself I need to update my blog. I put it off for a few hours, then tell myself i'll do it the next day. All of a sudden that gets perpetuated into a week, a month, and eventually 2 months. I have no excuse for my absence, since I've had plenty to talk about. I guess it's just that a few thing happened that made me lose my vigor for blogging.

My life has hit an all-time low, not to say I'm not completely satisfied, just to say that a lot of things have went wrong. Literally everything went wrong all at once.

To start, I was robbed while in Europe. My debit card was cloned in Riga, Latvia outside of the bus station. Apparently I put my card into a fake, AND mobile ATM machine which skimmed my information. My account was emptied overnight. I woke up with absolutely no money in my bank account, in a country where absolutely everything was backwards, not knowing anyone, with about 200 euros in my pocket. I had no idea what to do, but I got out of there immediately. It took me over 30 hours to get to Prague from where I was. I rode 2 different busses and like 4 different trains to get there, and that time spent on the train has to be what purgatory feels like. I knew the entire time that I was going to have to throw in the towel and go home, and to me that helpless feeling of not being able to do what I wanted for the first time in almost 2 years was worse than losing the money.

I bummed in Europe for another 2 weeks and had a friend buy me a plane ticket home. Everyone be sure to give Portly Pig on Pokerstars a big thank you from me, for being able to help me out. Him and several others really stepped up when they found out about my situation. I am very grateful to be able to call these people my friends. The extent to which people within the poker community will go to help each other is absolutely indescribable.

So I came home, what do I do now? I have 6 weeks before school starts, I want to either make it big in poker or go back to school. So I start playing nearly all day, every day. The only bad part about this, is that I had absolutely ZERO luck at all. I'm not going to sit here and complain, and will save everyone the trouble of listening to me bitch about a few hands. Long story short, between taking money out to pay bills, repairing my car, my computer, and my downswing, I officially busted. Yes, busted. Not short on funds, but I have nothing.

So I am backed now, ready for a new start. Yesterday was my first day playing backed, and not much else changed. I final table bubbled 5 different MTTs in my very first session. It's frustrating, but I know it will come eventually. And at least now I don't have my own finances vested in my success. Which I guess is somewhat depressing, since I have this constant need to prove myself. Not even to other people, but to myself. I somehow want to justify all of this time I've plugged into a game I absolutely despise. But at the end of the day, I have no tangible evidence of my success. I have some photos from a distant land, brief flashbacks from a fun night with new friends, a collection of DVDs I never touch, video game systems I never play, expensive clothes that don't even fit me because I've gained too much weight. I've lived with such extravagance, while my peers have sat by and hoarded their money. They're able to buy houses, cars, or have enough in savings to sustain themselves for years to come. But I'm sitting here waiting for my last $300 cashout, and enough FPPs to send in a receipt for a $500 purchase so I can go home for Christmas. This isn't the life I signed up for, and it's nobody's fault except for my own, and some clever bastard in Latvia.

I'm leaving myself outs though. I reenrolled in school yesterday. I'm thinking about getting a job just so I don't have a 4 year resume lapse. I don't know if I'll take it to that extreme though, but you best believe it crosses my mind when I play a 14 hour day and lose four figures. I really just want to know what it feels like to win again. While the money is nice, the feeling I get when I'm 3 betting someone deep and get them to fold everytime is like a drug to me. I strive for dominance, and right now it feels like I'm hitting myself in the face with a whiffle ball bat.

I turn 21 in 10 days. I used to get excited about this because of the prospect of live poker, vegas, wsop, etc... But now it just feels like there's a Kanish ghost pervading my every thought telling me that it's all a fucking pipe dream. I've lost my 3 stacks of High Society, and here's to getting that and more back...

Fondue For One Please

2009-10-19T13:01:00.000-07:00

I'm on the train right now from Amsterdam to Cologne, Germany. It says Koln on my ticket, but says Koeln on the display screen in the train. How many different ways could you possibly spell a city, and how is that at all efficient for people traveling, when a central city in a large country has so many different aliases? Anyways, that's enough rambling about the nomenclature of German cities. On to the actual substance of my blog, whatever that means.

I guess I should try to recap my trip in Amsterdam, but that's all a blur, like the rest of my trip, but I'll try my best.

Unlike London and Paris, there's nothing you could really complain about in Amsterdam. As a whole were very friendly, down to earth, and actually talked to you and treated you with respect. Their style of living was very laid back and everyone I met seemed to be stress free. I could make some kind of weed joke here and imply that I think that's the reason for the Dutch's overall happiness, but I can't really attribute that credit to any drug without detracting from the people themselves. It just brings a smile to your face to walk up to a shopping center and see a parking lot FULL of bicycles as opposed to cars. I'm not at all a green advocate, and I'm 100% sure global warming is actually a hoax (this can be another blog entry in the future I suppose); but I do try to be environmental for my own sake whether or not CFCs are destroying the ozone layer and the world is going to ASPLODE

My time in Amsterdam was spent doing a bunch of nothing. I've tried to decide if I spent more time sleeping or in coffeeshops. It'd probably be the fairest 1:1 bet you could make, because it's such a close call. You meet all types of people in coffeeshops. I befriended some guys from Ghana, a musician from Germany, an Israeli extremist, met some girls from Alaska, met tons of Dutch/German guys, and briefly exchanged words, looks, and general understanding with people from countries I didn't even bother to ask from.

I had a talk about hate with a guy I met at the bus stop a few nights ago. I had been hanging out with Marcel and missed the last train home. So I had to grab the night bus. When I walked up there was just a black guy standing there with a guitar case. I asked if the bus went to Marnixstraat and he told me he had no idea, and that he had just gotten off a train from Frankfurt. He came into Amsterdam to do a jam session with some of his friends from university. He was probably in his 40s, so I was impressed he could stay in touch with his friends for that long. The bus didn't come for 10 minutes, so we went and asked another bus when ours was coming, and I guess it was like a bus that came once an hour. So with nothing else to do at 2am we went and grabbed some junk food together at a burger king or whatever the Dutch name was. We sat in there since it was warm and talked for awhile. He told me he was surprised I talked to him, he said white people don't normally go out of their way to talk to him. He didn't say it in that "oh woe is me, i'm black" kind of way. he said discrimination is bad everywhere in the world, and it's different for different people everywhere. he told me if I went to where he was from in Africa I'd be killed, and that he doesn't understand what the root of all hatred is within every cultural group. He said there's nowhere you can go in the world to escape the prejudice of the common man, which is why he plays music because he thinks it's a universal bond. Which after my short stints in the USA and a few other countries I can definitely see, the hatred part anyways. Music is debatable but probably true as well.

We walked back to the bus stop and I was still eating some fries and he had his drink. After a few minutes the bus came and I walked on, paid my 3.50, got my ticket, sat down, and continued eating my fries. When my new friend tried to get on, the bus driver snapped at him and told him "NO FOOD OR DRINKS ALLOWED ON THE BUS". So the driver made him get off and throw off his drink. When he got off the driver shut the doors and started to drive off, leaving the black guy behind. It was absolutely disgusting looking out the window seeing what was going on. The ONLY reason he wasn't allowed on the bus was because he was black and had a drink. I was let on with greasy hands and fries, and could've carried a 64oz big gulp onto the bus without a problem. The inside of the bus was kind of quiet, with people sort of looking at each other uncomfortably, all of us knowing what had just happened. It reminded me of the book Night by Elie Wiesel for some reason and the quote he has about "those who remain silent about injustice are just as guilty as the persecutors" or something along those lines. How could I just have a talk with this guy, about hatred, and not try to stick up for him? And why should it even matter that I had talked to him? So I listened to myself and did what I thought was right and yelled "STOP" and a few other people chimed in and said stop. Then three Dutch teenagers yelled at the driver and got him to pullover. We waited like a minute for the guy to catch up and get on the bus.

He got on the bus without saying a single word to the driver, or even looking angry. He sat down next to me and simply said "See what I mean". Which made me really sad.

He invited me to his jam session, and I ended up going for a little while. I stayed and had some cocoa and listened to the music. It was very good and all of the people were very nice and welcomed me. That's how it should be. Maybe music isn't the universal bond, and perhaps it's just kindness? who knows

It seems ironic I meet an extremist Israelite after meeting the Anti-Semetic Lebanese guy in Paris. Or maybe it's not irony, I tend to overuse that word. Damn you Alanis Morisette! Anyways, I guess you could say it was fateful. I was in Bulldog's coffeeshop, which fames itself as the first coffeeshop in Amsterdam (though many dispute this claim), and wanted to chill for a little while before I went to the Van Gogh museum. I went down into the smoking room and saw this shaggy looking guy with blond Jesus hair ripping a bong the size of a 7 year old child. It was literally the biggest bong I've ever seen. Anyways, I guess his lighter died so he asked me to borrow one (notice the symmetry, that's how it all started with the gay, homeless, Lebanese guy as well. I'm starting to think people just ask for lighters as a conduit to have a conversation. I've done the same thing one time with this girl at a bar, I asked her if I could have a cigarette and I don't even smoke because I had no better ideas to talk to her. ok these random tangents are starting to get lengthy, but I have a 3 hour train ride so what else am I supposed to do?).

I gave him the lighter and he asked where I was from. I told him the states so we have the normal "yeah im just here for a few days, backpacking europe, etc etc" chat. He then tells me that the United States is the worst country in the world and we are going to start a nuclear holocaust. He asked me if I wake up every morning ashamed of where I'm from. Then it started to get really weird. He asked me if I was religious at all, I told him I'm familiar with most religions, but don't actively practice one. He asked if I knew what the Kaballah (sp?), and I told him sort of. I know it's some sort of Jewish holy book. The only reason I was even familiar with the Kaballah is because I've seen Pi like 48757584 times, which makes the next part even funnier.

He asked me if I believed in prophecies, and I gave him some open ended answer. He then went on to explain the prophecies contained within the Kaballah and how all signs point that the world is coming to an end because of the United States. He said there are numerical codes between the scripts in the writing that line up with the Mayan calendar. He said life is like a spiral, and that somehow because of technology the gaps between the spiral are getting smaller and smaller. Eventually we will get to the point where there is virtually no gap between the spaces of the spiral, and thats when everything will compound and bust out like a spring and go BOINK (yes boink, not boom. lol), and the world will start again from the stone age. Apparently the US is the one driving the spiral inwards. Go figure.

The guy ended up following me to the Van Gogh Museum. He spent his last 8 euros there too. the admission was 12.50, but he was able to beg for 5 euros outside the door to get in. It was kind of impressive to be honest. He turned out to be a somewhat nice guy, to me at least, but it's just really sick how much hate there is in the world. He hated Americans, Palestinians, anyone Islamic and the entire African continent. It just blows my mind people can have so much hate instilled in their blood. I ended up ditching him in the museum because he was going way too slow, or maybe he ditched me, who knows. I was glad when he was gone though.

That's kind of the paradox I'm facing though. I always seem to be glad when everyone's gone and I'm on my own. It always creates weird social dynamics though. I get these looks from everyone like "what is this guy doing on his own?" or "where are his friends?" or "maybe he's mentally retarded". Is it really that unacceptable to go out and do things on your own? I had a weird experience 2 nights ago that really makes me wonder. I had gone out for the day, rented a bike, rode it around the city, so I had a big appetite. I went by a restaurant that had fondue and thought to myself "wow fondue would be totally fucking awesome right now". So I go in, it was a semi-classy place and sit down, they ask if anyone is meeting me, and I tell them no. I'm eating my fondue and drinking my water when another couple comes in. All the tables are full, and I'm sitting at a table with 4 seats. So as opposed to making the people wait, they sit them down at my table, and the staff lights a candle. Talk about awkward.

It was an older man probably in his 50s, who definitely wasn't Dutch. If I had to guess I'd say he was from Baltic country. He was wearing a nice watch and dressed well. The girl he was with was much younger than him, I just assumed it was his daughter. There was no indication of anything otherwise. It's the 3 of us at the table. I'm at the far right, with the old dude to my left and the girl across the table diagonal from me. At this point I'm trying to eat as fast as possibly without being disgusting. Though in hindsight, I don't know why I should have even bothered with etiquette.

At some point in the meal the girl got up to use the bathroom. And the guy turned to me and gave me a smile and a thumbs up. Then he asked me in English why I was alone. "you are 20, plenty good girls here." i told him i was just visiting. he said he was as well "but no excuse for going to eat alone. get escort like me" then he gives me another big cheesy smile and a thumbs up.

I instantly got up and asked for my check and left. I still had some fondue as well!

Is my life really to the point where I'm sleeping outside, going to museums with homeless people, and having random guys in a restaurant telling me to buy a whore because I look lonely? REALLY?

I went on this trip to try to figure some things out, but each day it feels like I just fall asleep with more unanswered questions. The standard 20 year old who goes to Europe makes a journey of self-discovery, they "find themselves".

I guess I'm doing it wrong, but at least I'm having some fun

A "Sheltered" Update

2009-10-12T23:57:00.000-07:00

It's pretty weird that I update my blog regularly, so I guess this is X-Files surreal when I update more than one time in the same day. I feel more wordy than usual, which is a good thing given my environment has changed completely.

Today, I had one of the most fulfilling experiences of my life. I don't think fulfilling even sums it up, it was more an experience of self-confirmation. A lot of people might think something like this is stupid, but it's high on my list of most unique things I've done in my life so far. Anyways, I should probably stop talking around it and get to the point already.

I woke up early this morning, well I didn't wake up on my own, the Argentinian/Uruguayan (I'm not sure where he's from exactly, he's told me a different country every time I've asked) and the Russian girl did a good job of waking me up. That's one of the downsides to a hostel, the lack of privacy, and your schedule in waking up and falling asleep is pretty centric on everyone around you. It's good for meeting people though. Anyways, I got up and went down for the free breakfast they provided. Some guy asked if I minded if he sat down at my table, and I happily obliged. He was a recent graduate from San Francisco State that started working a month ago, then decided to take 2.5 months off to backpack Europe. Kind of heroic in my books. Anyways we had a nice talk and I invited him to Versailles, but he already had plans to go to Monet's Garden. God damn it, Monet has a garden around Paris? I wish I had known that sooner. Monet is my favorite "old-school" painter. I guess I got into him because of Vanilla Sky, but basically fell in love with all of his work. Rumor has it he just sat around in rural France, smoked pot, and stared at nature all day. Sounds like a nice life.

Anyways, I finished my breakfast and embarked on my journey to Versailles. I had heard it was like 45 minutes away and it cost 20euros. Whatever, as far as I'm concerned Versailles has a monopoly on the royal palace sight-seeing, so I was probably going to pay whatever. I get on my first train fine, and get a little lost finding the next connecting one, but after using my anglacized french, someone was able to point me in the right direction. I sit down and take a short nap before someone taps me on the shoulder.

That tap on my shoulder turned out to be a group of 5 older women. They did not know French, and together they were using what little English they could scrounge up to ask me how to get to Versailles. Listening to their conversation I could tell they were speaking Portugese, but I was put off since one of the ladies was wearing a Chile hat. I went with my gut and simply responded to their inquiry with a "Vamos juntos?" (which I think means go together?). Anyways, they all look at each other with bedazzlement and say meu dieus (my god). They were amazed I spoke Portugese, and from then on we carried on a very basic conversation in Portugese. They asked me all about my travels to Brazil, the rest of the world, what my plans were, and a bunch of other stuff. I'd say they were some of the nicest people I've ever met, but in all honesty, every Brazilian I've met is the same way, which in no way is to detract from their kindness, but just gives a general commentary on how awesome brazilians are.

Anyways, they want to take several pictures with me, so they can show me off to their grand daughters. They tell me I have to come and visit them in Sao Paolo and give me an email address. Then one of the ladies ask me if I would mind showing them around Versailles since they didn't know French, let alone English. I don't like going slow with anything, and kind of rush everything, and get annoyed if I'm in one place for too long, so tours aren't exactly my thing, but there was no way I could tell these people no. So I agreed.

We got off the train and walked up to Versailles. The ticket office was closed, and not only that, but I guess Versailles itself was closed; the inside at least. Saved 20euros I suppose. So all we had was the outside, but that's the the understatement of the century. Versailles is so huge and majestic. You could spend a week there looking around easily. I would've paid a large amount of money to have a fat joint there. Oh well that's what Amsterdam is for, without all the gold, gardens, and everything else cool.

Anyways, the cool experience today was walking around with the Brazilian ladies and they would ask me to explain like a certain statue, or sign, or anything really. I had to read everything in French, and tell it back to them in Portugese. I was using 2 languages at once, with neither of them being my primary language. I am nowhere near schooled enough to read French at an advanced level, and I sure as hell don't know museum terminology in Portugese. But between deciphering and guessing what certain things made in French, and talking around the words I didn't know in Portugese, I was able to communicate everything clearly with the Brazilian ladies. I was really impressed with myself, as egotistical as that sounds. But I feel as if that's the only thing I've done right in the last few years. It was one of those moments of accomplishment that made all of those hours in French/Portugese class worth it. It felt better than any quiz I ever aced, or even the time I won a scholarship to study French because I gave a good scholarship interview to 3 important Quebecois men. It was pure language solely for the sake of communication, which is what language is meant for. I've always loved language, and today definitely reinforced that admiration that had kind of been fading slowly along with the rest of the passions I used to hold.

Anyways, the ladies were getting cold and wanted to leave. So we parted ways. As they walked back to the metro, I sat down at some random restaurant in the middle of the Versailles garden. I'm sure it's not quite what Louis XIV has envisioned, but regardless it was quite tasty. I got 2 glasses of wine, one red and one white, along with an assortment of cheese with bread (sounds kind of baller but in my eyes I was freerolling the 20euros I saved on admission). Altogether it came out to be 15 euros which amazed me it could be that cheap at a cafe in the middle of Versailles, but I certainly wasn't going to argue. I still can't decide if I like red or white wine more, and the more I drink of both to try to pinpoint my preference, the more they start to blend together. I should've tried to arrange a blind taste test, but it slipped my mind to ask the waiter if he had a blindfold.

Before I forget, it struck me as awkward what a douche the waiter was. The entire time he spoke to me in French, as did I to him. We even had a side conversation not in regards to the menu. I know enough French to the point I can carry myself in a restaurant situation. English was never used once during the entirety of our conversation. Except when it came to paying. I took out my debit card and he says to me "you not pay here. me lead you inside. follow"

Uhh ok. Thanks for the degradation. I'm 100% sure my French is better than whatever bastardized form of English you're trying to speak. I wish tipping was a standard here, just so I could leave him like a .01 euro piece. Actually, i'm not even sure if .01 euro pieces exists. The smallest I have is a .10. Anyways, he would've gotten whatever the smallest denomination is.

I take the train to Aux Champs Elysees from Versailles, and just walk up and down sight seeing. At the beginning there's like a nature trail with a bunch of stands that sell refreshments. I bought a Heineken at the first one and kept walking. By the time I got to the 2nd stand I had just finished my Heineken. The french are geniuses, they spaced these little stands according to how fast I, Marty Mathis, drinks his beer. Though by the 7th stand, I was probably walking a little bit slower in a vain effort to not disprove my own theory.

Moving on, I can't do justice to how sweet Champs Elysees was, I guess its reputation speaks for itself. I dropped into the Aviation Club just to look around and pretended I wanted to become a member. when they asked for my 100euros I left. Pretty sure they called me a bum, but I can't say for sure. At the end of Champs Elysees next to the metro station there were a bunch of street performers doing break dancing, etc. They worked as a team, jumping off of each other, balancing, flipping. It was very impressive. Obviously they asked for donations at the end and I handed them a 2euro piece since that was the only coin I had. The girl next to me told the guy she didn't have any money, and he hands her his phone and says "I dont want your money, I want your number". It was probably the most baller thing I've seen in my entire life. To further his legacy, they ended up leaving together. I guess that's ALL it takes with french girls.

I took the Metro towards my hostel and had to make a change at some random stop. Anyways I ran into the random gypsie girl from yesterday. She walked up to me and asked me if I spoke english. How dumb do you think I am? Jesus christ, you and the patronizing waiter should have fucking babies together. anyways I told her "yes I know english, no I dont care" and walked away. she still had that dumbfounded HUH look on her face. I was I would've taken a picture of her so it could become a new jpeg for EPICFAIL

I got back to my hostel and found out Sacre Coeur is a 5 minute walk away. I take the walk up the stairs with my blistered feet, but the view of the city was worth it. You can see everything from up there. There were several vendors selling Heinekens out of the box up there for 2euro each which is a whole euro cheaper than I paid on Champs Elysees so I had to have a few. I walked around the montmartre area and paid a street artist 5 euros to draw a picture of me. he had pastels, paper, and even an easel. as soon as i handed him 5 euros, he snap ran away. oh well, no self portrait for me. i bought some pistachio/mango gelato and headed back to the hostel where I sit writing now

Amsterdam tomorrow. Hopefully my next few blog entries will be in someway coherent.

Trip Report: Homeless

2009-10-12T09:17:00.001-07:00

Ok here is a long awaited trip report on the night I spent homeless in Paris, and by long awaited, I mean like 36 hours ago.

I did not get an advanced booking for a hostel, and by the time I booked my train ticket to Paris, all of the hostels in the entire city were full. I figured it wouldn't be a big deal, and that I could just find a cheap hotel when I got here. Wrong. The cheapest hotel I could find on that short of notice was $210, and it was probably half a star.

Anyways, the entire paris experience has been crazy and wild. I'll try to save the touristy stuff for another post and focus on the homelessness for now, since that's all some of you seem to be concerned with.

Paris is an intricate city, or at least I think intricate is the word I want to use. There are scams, thieves, and trouble around every corner.

First example. I get off the train from London, as I walk down the Eurostar platform some gypsie looking girl walks up to me and asks me if I speak English. I tell her "yea" just assuming she wanted some kind of directions. Nope, big mistake on my part. She pulled a placard out of her pocket that said verbatim "Hi, my mother died of leukemia, give me money". No lie, how could I make that up. Then she just sat there and stared at me, giving me this pouty look. I didn't have any Euros at the time since I had just gotten off the train from London, and even if I did these beggars would never see a .10euro piece from me. She keeps staring and doesn't walk away. so I tell her in french, that my whole family died of leukemia. she says/does nothing, so I figure I'll try in english since she asked me if I spoke it. again she gives me a blank stare. clearly asking me if I knew english was the only phrase she knew. I walked away and she started following me. oh great I've been here 3 minutes and I already have gypsies on my ass. I turn a corner and another one approaches me and asks me if i know english, I just ignore her and keep walking until I get out of the station. I walk into the first restaurant I see, and the 2 gypsies are just staring at me through the window. they leave after a few minutes.

Luckily the restaurant I went to had wifi, so I went ahead and booked my tickets and hostel for Amsterdam while I still had $$. After that I headed back to the metro station to put everything valuable I had into a locker, so if I got robbed sleeping outside I wouldn't be totally fucked.

I kept my camera, passport, and debit card on me. Nothing else besides some American change that I regretted not giving to the gypsies

I decide that since it was like 7ish, I might as well kill some time and do some tourist stuff. So I bought a 3day unlimited metro pass and hopped on a train to the Louvre. I hung around outside and snapped a lot of pictures. I saw the Eiffel Tower in the background and decided to follow its annoying spotlight. I wish I had known how far away it was, it's easily more than a mile away. It took me like 45min to get there, but time really wasn't an issue since I knew I'd be outside the entire time anyways, it just sucked because it blistered my feet. So I spent some time at the Eiffel Tower before starting to walk back towards the Louvre. I got too tired to walk and hopped on the metro. I rode the train back and forth a few times to kill some time before heading towards the Tuilery Gardens.

This is the first place I tried to sleep. The hedges were setup like a labyrinth which I figured would shield me from the wind, and the vision of other people, so I could sleep in peace. Wrong. I manage to fall asleep, and less than 20minutes later some drunk guy runs right into me. Then lots of other drunk people showed up. I think they were playing some weird French version of hide and seek.

I figured a place that public probably wasn't the best idea and move on. I decide I might have better luck along the Seine. Homeless people love water since they can bathe in it, so I assumed it'd be a well-fit area to get my sleep on. Wrong. I first tried to sleep on a small hedge near the water. A jogger walked up to me and pointed out to me in English that there were 2 homosexual men touching themselves and looking at me, and that I probably wasn't in the safest place. Ok, thanks for the warning buddy. I'll chalk that one up to variance and move farther down along the Seine.

Next, I saw a great spot, but there were 2 fisherman were in front of it. I kinda sat around and watched their interaction for awhile. They were really funny. It was clear they'd never catch anything, but they were so aggressive about everything. Whenever a boat came by, they would fit over the space that wasn't affected by the wake of the boat. At one point I seriously thought I'd witness a fisherman brawl.

As I was sitting there, a middle age man approached me and asked if I had a lighter (speaking in french). I told him no. He asked if I minded that he sat down, I told him sure. Another one of my many mistakes. To make a long story short, he was a 32 year old homosexual Algerian man. He ended up talking to me and trying to get me to come back to his house for more than 2 hours. I had no idea how to get away from him without being rude or being afraid he'd stab me. We talked about a lot of things, it was mostly him talking and me listening, but these are some of the gems from the conversation:

-Jews are the demise of society. He hates Jews, they are the worst. The 70 year anniversary of concentration camps was coming up and he's very excited to celebrate and hopes he can make it to Germany. Jews are badbadbad. It was literally an entire social commentary focusing on how Jews are an inferior race and Islam is the only answer to the world's problems. He vowed that if he ever met a Jew in person that he would kill them himself. Immediately after he says this, he asks me if I'm Jewish. Lucky for me I'm not...

-He asks me what my name is. I tell him it's Marty. He looks at me and winks. He says that in Lebanese Marty means "my wife". He then goes on to tell me that he once had a wife, until one day he decided he liked men more than women.

-He told me his current boyfriend is Egyptian. He poops without clothes on which he thought was weird. He asked me if I ever pooped without clothes on. I told him I thought it was pretty weird as well. Apparently his boyfriend's daughter from a former marriage is Jewish, he said he doesn't kill her though because she's like family to him and he loves her. Okkkk

-He tells me I need to watch out, because there are very aggressive homosexuals lurking the streets of Paris that aren't as nice as him. This as probably the one valuable piece of advice he gave me.

-He asks me if I want to go dancing with him and sleep in his apartment. He says it's alright if I tell him no, but he still asks me every 5min. Apparently his boyfriend that he loves so much was out of town and he felt lonely. He even gave me his #

-He was drinking some weird smelling alcohol out of a soda bottle and he swears he just started drinking last month and that he never did before in his life. Then he pulls out a joint, except it wasn't weed, idk what it was, some kind of other drug you smoke. Anyways, he swears to me he just started smoking last week, and he does it to forget the influence of the Jews.

It was unreal and uncomfortable how anti-Semetic this guy was. I mean I've made jewish jokes before that were probably in poor taste, but this guy was so over the top that it made me sick. It's hard to believe people like him exist in the world, yet at the same time it really explains why there are so many problems. Because i know for a fact there are others more extremist/fucked up than he was.

He went around the corner to take a "peepee", and for the first time in 2 hours I had my only out. It took me less than .0001 seconds to decide to run as fast as I could and get the hell out of there. I ran up the stairs and crossed the nearest bridge I could find. I ended up going to the other side of the Seine and found a makeshift slant to sleep in. It was totally obstructed so that no one could see me, I thought it'd be perfect. WRONG AGAIN MARTY, WHEN THE FUCK WILL YOU LEARN

Before I can even fall asleep, I feel something across my leg. I look down and see it's a rat. A fucking rat. I had never actually seen a rat before then in real life. It was disgusting. Before I could get up, like 3 more were on me. One of them tried to bite me but only got a mouthful of jean. I ran out of there, feeling like I had just looked the Bubonic Plague in the eyes.

I head back toards the Louvre thinking I can get back into the Metro Station and just sleep there until the first train starts running. Nope.

On my walk I pass the Jardin tuilery again, except now there are literally like 6 gay guys in there, in plain site, with 4 of them engaging in anal sex. It was quite possibly the most disgusting thing I've ever seen in my life. I try to sneak by unnoticed and the other 2 not assfucking each other start yelling stuff in French to me that I dont understand. So I make a run for it. I run until I'm out of breath, and keep running some more. You know that burn you get in your chest and lungs when you get exhausted from exercising too much, and you feel like you're going to vomit blood? That's what I had.

I get back to the metro station outside the louvre, and they had a gate around it locked. Fail. So at this point it was like 3.30 and I had 2 hours to kill before the first train ran. I see to my left a bunch of hot girls dressed up hanging around outside. I guess there was a nightclub right next to the Louvre. I go and try talking to some cute french girls, but instantly get rejected, hich I normally would just bounce back and talk to the next person, but I was so shook I just decided not to bother and walked on.

I head back towards the Louvre to look for a discrete place I can piss. I head like 10min away and walk down a shady side street and take a pee. It was one of those pisses that since you held it for awhile it came out uncontrollably. I actually pissed all over someone's windshield. Oh well, all you can drink France!!

I walked back towards the Louvre and actually ended up sleeping on a bench outside of there for almost an hour. I saw other homeless people doing it, so I thought it was a safe bet. I was right for once. I guess I can brag that I slept at the Louvre and you didn't.

I woke up the coldest I had ever been in my life, and it wasn't even that cold outside. I headed toward the metro shivering from head to toe to catch the first train to anywhere. The sun still wasn't up, so I assumed nothing was open yet. I told myself I would take the train back and forth and sleep there until the sun came up, that way it'd at least be warmer outside.

Waiting for the train a middle eastern guy asked me if I spoke english, I thought oh great, another beggar. I really didn't respond, and he asked me when the train was due. Oh ok, cool. We ended up talking for 20minutes waiting for the train. He was an engineering student from Saudi Arabia, I guess he partied hard at the nightclub I walked by and said it was one of the best he had been to. He had all sorts of cool stories. He told me about a friend of his that used to throw parties every weekend at like 50k a pop until he went busto. It made me feel that much more insignificant for not even paying $200 for a hotel room. He told me after I'm done traveling Eruope, I need to go to dubai. He said my dollar would go far there, and it's the best city in the world. I figure it'll be worth a try. We get on the train together and keep talking, but I struggle to stay awake and by the time I wake up he's gone. I feel really bad for judging him and labeling in my head as a beggar. Part of my trip is to see the world and all its people to erase these preconceived prejudices I have. I could discount it to the fact that I was tired, frustrated, and a combination of other things. But truth be told, at the end of the day I was just as bad as the Jew hating Algerian man and that made me sick.

I fell back into a light sleep and rode the train cycle like 4 times until they caught on and kicked me off. Luckily, they kicked me off at L'Arc Defense, which I wanted to see anyways. I took a few pictures (albeit terrible since I was so tired) then headed into a Mcdonalds and grabbed some orange juice, coffee, and pain au chocolat. The McDonalds here are so much nicer than what we have in the states. They're very modern, with art work, and nice furniture. It was actually a pleasure dining there.

I took the next train back the the Louvre, grabbed 2 espresso shots, another coffee, and spent my day looking at artwork, and celebrating the fact survived my night on the streets.

A Prolonged Update

2009-10-10T10:16:00.000-07:00

I am sitting in an internet cafe right now in the North zone of paris, essentially killing time since I have nowhere to sleep tonight, but thats a whole other story; for another blog, which ill probably write about tomorrow

For now, I want to dedicate this blog to my time in london.

I got into london and stayed with my friend joe who I have known since I was about 14. we go way back to before we started playing poker, and more or less came up together. hes been a better friend to me over the years than nearly anyone ive known, so i was naturally excited about meeting him for the first time

a lot of people think its weird that you can put so much blind faith into a person that youve never met that you can fly several thousand miles and expect to meet them and have them be as nice in person as they are online, and with Joe and every other person I met this trip, that internet pact of blind trust held true.

I met so many people I talk to on a daily basis, and then other randoms, who showed me nothing but the most warming hospitality. London turned out to be a lot more than just the first stop on my trip around the world. In fact, I probqbly did a lot less in London tourist wise than I will in any other city, but I have no doubt that come December, when I am flying home reflecting on my trip, the time spent in London with my "online friends" will probably be the most significqnt days of my trip.

I want to give a personal thank you to all these people who made my time in London such a memorable experience. I'm sorry if I forgot you, we all met so many people during the course of EPT London that at times it's hard to keep a perfect record:

Joe
Marcel
Max
TT
Mickey
Bunner
Fabiano
Jacob
Ben
Jon
Alan
Tim
Tom

Plus many, many others. Whether we were meal flipping, playing credit cqrd roulette, getting black out drunk, degenning with poker/bowling/air hockey/slots/anything, or just there supporting and helping each other out it was a great experience that I hope to repeat again in the future.

However, with that being said, there is obviously a direct antithesis to everything great about a poker oriented vacation. I literally did nothing even related to sight seeing in London. I didn't go to Buckingham Palace, I didn't see Big Ben, I didn't cross London Bridge, and I sure as hell didn't visit Parliament. So when someone asks me what I did in london, I can't tell them I did anything different here than I do at home on a daily basis: I got drunk, gambled, qnd had fun with friends (except it's probably 3x more expensive in London as it is in Tallahassee. I couldn't go out qnd see an Orchestra, because I was either grinding nightly tournqments, watching someone play nightlys, or playing a cashgame somewhere. Even when I wasnt playing much poker, all of my days were still structured around poker. I'd go to bed every night after the sun was up (well I guess that qualifies as morning) and wake up well into the afternoon. I feel as if you miss out on the tourist experience when you're playing poker, which thankfully I won't be doing much of for the rest of my trip. I suppose it also helps being on my own now as well

Though I didn't get much of the "tourist" London experience, I still feel like I got a decent taste of the city's substance, and as much as i love their accents (and Keira Knightley), I'm going to go out on a limb here and say London wasn't my type of city, and I was glad to leave when I did, and might go as far to say I stayed a few days too long. I guess I'd feel that way about any place though when I have another 17 potential countries to visit

Outside of the haze of drunken gambling, where every night was another story to tell at the bar with my friend's back home, one London experience in particular made was memorable in a different respect.

Coming home from a late night in London, Joe and I were fortunate enough to catch the last train back into Watford. In the station we met a drunk middle aged woman who needed someone to talk to. She was very chatty, very open about her thoughts, and very opinionated. To give you a better picture, she had severql tattoos on her arms, and taught music to elementqry aged kids. You know the type I'm referring to. Fast forward to the time we board the train, I'm silent at this point as Joe qnd her are arguing the morality of online poker. I don't even admit to her I play, I simply respond that I'm a student and that Joe is the pro. She gives the same old arguments you hear from everyone else that we qre leaching off society, and not doing anything to help promote the greater good. She was of course very self righteous, since she was following her dream and teaching music. She was pounding Joe non-stop, but I didn't bother to intrude since there's no way an argument with someone so emotional can be won, or so I thought...

As the train is about to depart another man sits down, he taught English to highschoolers. He joined in attacking Joe, but in a more polite way, kind of genuinely interested in what he had to say. He asked what Joe believed, stated his own beliefs qnd asked where we were headed with our lives. He spent much time making social commentary that the woman didn't seem to agree with. Her rebuttal to his idealism was that "the world is how the world is, so live with it". He asked her how she could possibly teach youth with such a defeatist attitude and she started to explode. She said she has her own beliefs, so the man asked politely if she could say what they were, she claimed it was impossible, but I reminded her that Joe and the man had just done so 5 minutes ago. She asked while we were all ganging up on her, and started screaming that all she really wants to do is go home and fall asleep in a bed full of gold and live a selfish life. Then she started crying and shouted "none of you ever talk to me again". She got up and walked away, but the train was so full she got about 4 feet from us, everyone was staring. Made for an interesting night

But it made me wonder how someone so previously strong in their convictions could just snap like that. Or maybe she just didn't know what she believed in at all? I think that's the scariest thing, not knowing what your core beliefs are.

That's all I have to say for now. I'm about to brave the streets, and hopefully tqke pictures so mickey is happy. Will probably make for a good blog post as well

Also, the A and M keys are in different spots on these keyboards, so if you see Qs where As are supposed to be I'm sorry. I I may have missed a few

Late Nights and Idle Time

2009-09-20T00:14:00.000-07:00

I spent the day out today at a bar across the street. I had a few beers with my roommate, and our friend Richie, while I watched them hapless bets on college football in an attempt to get even. I think they ended up doing so, but that's kind of irrelevant. The day was relaxing, and a much needed get away from the grind of poker. Even if two old men grabbed me by the arm and bruised my wrist for yelling "fuck you joe smith" when FSU scored off a BYU turnover.

I could've gone out and celebrated our big win tonight, even if we lost, Saturday nights in Tallahassee are usually not nights I stay inside my room, unless I'm deep in some kind of MTT, but I told myself today I would come home, go to bed early, wake up, eat a good meal, and focus hard on the 5k tomorrow.

That's not exactly how it went. If it was, I wouldn't be updating my blog for the first time in months. I came home tonight before 9.30, I was asleep by 10, but awake again before 2; I can't sleep.

At first I tried to chalk it up to the buzzing murmur of my desktop and monitors being left on. Then I thought maybe it'd be best to turn the TV on half mute (since I normally fall asleep with the TV on). Next, I turned the AC down 10 degrees because I felt hot, but 30 minutes later I needed a sheet because I was cold. Maybe I couldn't sleep because I slept in late today, or maybe I couldn't sleep because I ate too many garlic parmesagn wings and I'm bloated with beer farts.

None of those reasons are it though, truth of the matter is, for the first time in over 2 years I'm scared, and after dodging that feeling, and running around it for 2 weeks now, making several excuses to myself, I can finally admit to myself just how afraid I am.

I never come off as the fearful type, I'm free spirited, easy going, open for pretty much anything. But I think my total lack of boundaries has gone too far, or is at least getting close to that proverbial edge people like to say they live on.

The worst part is, I've brought all of this upon myself. Every last inkling of regret/fear/concern/nauseousness/unease/empty anticipation/worried curiosity/plus a lot of other jumbled feelings I'm not wordy enough to translate onto paper for others to understand, are direct results of my actions.

I messed up, more than once, and I feel like I keep compounding it.

It would take me a fortnight to even begin to describe all of the ways I've screwed up, but it would be silly and downright dishonest of me to try to talk around it all, I've made enough excuses to myself.

In no particular order of consequence:

-I can't say one negative thing about my trip to Brazil, but the experience itself changed me in several ways. I think the biggest thing Brazil made me realize, was the disparity between reality and where I wanted to be with my life. I formed this ideal Utopia in my head, that would just be waiting for me as soon as I got back to America. It wasn't, I got frustrated, and made a bunch of rash decisions.

-Hurting my knee was awful. It got me out of a routine. I was waking up early, running everyday, playing tennis, shooting hoops outside, going out a lot and socializing. After hurting my knee, not being able to walk at all for an entire week, and being extremely immobile for 2 weeks, my social life, health, and a lot of other things just took a huge nosedive. I've eaten delivery or takeout everyday for the past month, unless I've dined in, which has been a few times. But I'm eating the worst I've ever eaten, I'm not exercising at all, I've put on 20lbs, and I'd say 80% of my clothes don't fit me anymore. I have no doubt I'll lose the weight back, but for now it's just another frustration that's keeping me down.

-Expecting too much from other people. I need to carve "live life without expectation" into my wrist with a wooden ladle, or at least get a tattoo of it (even though tattoos are trashy), just so I can remember it always. People don't change, I don't, you won't, and neither will anyone you ever meet. We all seek the comforts of the past. No one is exempt or special.

-Running away from my problems. I think 90% of my reasoning for the Euro trip is to get away from some problems and avoid confronting certain things. You know that helpless feeling, when you want to say something and can't, even when you try, and you're not sure if it's because you can't communicate, they don't listen, or maybe there is someone else in the world that hates confrontation just as much as I do. Moving on, literally. It only takes the Atlantic Ocean, a different time zone, and several thousand miles. Luckily for me I'll have crossed all 3 in a short 8 days.

-I mean, I don't really regret it at all, but dropping out, or "taking a semester off" has definitely had a lot of effects on my life. One of the biggest ones, is that it has totally estranged me from all of my friends. Since I'm never on campus anymore, I never see them. WCOOP hasn't helped any either, since that basically killed any prospect of a social life. I miss being around people, I miss dumb arguments, I miss that stupid kid in the back corner asking our Econ teacher to go over supply/demand because he doesn't get it.

-I messed up big time with poker. I sold off my WCOOP action, and put way too much of my own money into it, and made a dumb clause for no reason. I said I wouldn't multitable SNGs when I was playing WCOOP events, so on top of running bad and losing most of my money, I haven't had a chance to make any of it back. I'd be fine if I ever won a tournament, but these last 3 weeks have been like entering the lottery everyday and just slowly bleeding away. I would've been better off grinding heavily on my own, satelliting into bigger buyins, or just degen shot taking. I've cost myself so much money with this stupid deal and I can't wait until it's over so I can grind again and get back to making money. Except I feel like I can't win at poker anymore. I really feel like this might be the one time where I actually hit bottom and bust and my life is thrown into shambles, the dream is over, the financial freedom is handcuffed. I watch my money slowly trickle away, $20 here, $30 there. Imminent busto approaching.

-Oh did I mention I'm going to Europe for 3 months? My bank account is next to empty, my stars account is the lowest it's ever been in recent memory, and I have to sustain myself for a long time in a strange place, where I'm not guaranteed any essentials of life. I won't have a certain roof over my head, I don't know how I'm going to eat everyday. I have to rely on making money while I'm there, and after seeing what happened to Kwame in Brazil, I don't want things to go wrong. I definitely still want to go, and I'm not trying to back out, because I cant since I sunk a lot of money on transportation, but this definitely could've waited from a financial standpoint. Even if I manage to sustain myself there, I don't know what to do when I get home in December broke. Poker is so depressing I can never tell if it's viable for me for any period longer than a week. Anyways, back to the trip, I didn't even buy one of those obnoxious backpacks. I'm just using a small one and winging it. I haven't planned anything at all. I feel like if I plan I'll realize exactly how much money I don't have and convince myself that my trip is impossible.

I guess it all comes down to timing issues. Some things have been too soon, others unplanned, some unexpected, some mapped out, some things just fizzled out, never happened, passed us by, too late. I've screwed up, but even if I had a time machine, I don't know where I'd go to change where I'm sitting tonight. I can't pinpoint my tipping point.

There's a reason this is my favorite quote, well one of them:

"Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards"

-Soren Keirkagard

I'll be regularly updating my blog from now on, at least while I'm traveling. So expect frequent posts if anyone still reads this. I just ordered a new camera from Amazon too, so I'll be able to make fancy updates with pictures

gah

2009-07-27T12:04:00.000-07:00

2 deep runs last night

very close to 78k and 92k

this is getting ridiculous.

watching some videos on DC so i can beat cash for more money.

going fishing this weekend

chasing romance is more tilting than poker

i miss brazil

its been awhile

2009-07-20T09:39:00.000-07:00

havent played poker. so i felt it was silly to update my blog

the last 2 weeks in brazil were as good as the first month...i think i know how to do the samba now

i have $2.08 in my bank account

i miss being away, because it made home seem that much more exotic and desirable. home is the same though. i forgot how static the world was

i feel like there are too many unmet expectations in my life, for as few expectations as i actually have. im just going to do away with those.

i think im moving today, then ill play poker. start tennis again. i woke up this morning and jogged. im going to try to do that every morning

i have 3 more seasons of six feet under to watch. then it's onto the sopranos.

i also have a bunch of pimsleur learning tapes. going to finish portugese, then brush up on my french, learn spanish, then italian last. conversational in 5 languages is my goal.

i need to be productive as possible for the next month, so i can rationalize the extremes

absinthe makes the heart grow...

2009-07-04T17:05:00.000-07:00

well i dont really know where to start with this entry. i feel as if there's a whole lot i need to say, but my mind is so clouded as of late with a million different things going on.

i guess ill start with the obvious. last sunday was the biggest disappointment i've had in my 20 years of living. i was a mere 10 people away from being 240k richer. the feeling i got while deep in that tournament was unlike anything ive felt in my entire life. it was a better high than any drug i could ever hope to do, and more of a thrill than any stage of inebriated ive ever been. when i lost though, it's hard to say if the money was what i was most upset about, or whether it was that feeling of vivacity i lost and thought id never get back.

so i trudged on the next few days. saw i was third on the tournament leader board for the month and played non-stop trying to get first. i failed. during this time period i didnt sleep for 80ish hours. i was delusional feeling as if everything i am or do isnt enough or a step short of where i want to be.

so i took a day off. i went to the beach, and just sat there, i sat there for a long time. i drank some beer and ate some cashews. i think the combination of the two was perfect for where my head was at the time. i looked out on the water, it was very serene. mountains in the backdrop, the echo of waves crashing, the soft feel of gradient sand between my toes. it was a siddhartha-like moment of serendipity.

i am living. im where i want to be because ive worked hard to put myself there. my life is good, and i dont need an adrenaline rush from a poker tournament to confirm this for me. i am in rio de janeiro, cidade de deus, city of god. i am master and commander. nobody tells me what to do or when to do it. if i wanted to move to buenos aires tomorrow, i could; if i changed my mind a week later and decided iceland was more my taste, i could switch it up at my leisure.

life is about making the most of what you have, when you have it. i sat there and pondered the things i had, and what keeps me from just getting up and going abroad. everyone has their anchors, and im quite content with mine.

from the time i left for the beach, and when i arrived back at my apartment, i had changed. i was worried that it might only be a buzz from the beer i drank, but thankfully no further change has occurred. i only received further confirmation that same day from someone very special. i feel like im on the right path now. being afar made me realize who and what matters most. it's strange you go away to find yourself. i guess so much of who you are is artificially shaped by remaining in the same environment for a long time, and when you remove yourself you kind of see a more pure form

with all of this new motivation and drive going for me, i played poker to an extent i never believed possible. i was able to propel this into a win in the weekly tournament leaderboard. you can see my lovely face all next week in the pokerstars lobby.

i took today off, and dont know when ill play again. i tried to have more life realizations on the beach today, but it started raining. so i took a bus in search of a bottle of absinthe to celebrate my recent success

things are looking up, infact theyre looking better than ever. i have more money than ive ever had, im more sure of myself than ever, and more certain of those around me. as much as i love brazil, i am excited about coming home and moving forward in the right direction.

thanks to everyone who has been here supporting me for the last week, and everyone who had to put up with my incessant bitching after last sunday.

-marty

rio

2009-06-11T21:34:00.000-07:00

i wish there was a way to put into words what a great city rio de janeiro is. prior to this trip chicago was by far my favorite city, and i was all for them hosting the olympics in 2016. but after having spent 4 days in rio, it'd be a god damn shame if the olympics were anywhere else but here.

this city has everything. you can chill on the beach, eat at nice restaurants, eat at hole in the wall places, go out to some of the best clubs in the world, meet the hottest ladies, take a taxi cheaply to anywhere you want to go. the weather is perfect, it's their winter right now and the lowest temperature it's been is 68, with a high of like 82. it's almost too good to be true

people worry about how safe it is after seeing movies like city of god and turistas, but i feel really safe here. i do need to get some pictures up, most of them are on kwames camera so ill be sure to get those up when i can get them from him.

ive spent more money than i thought, but ive also beer to 2 of the best clubs in the world and the nicest restaurant in all of rio. not too mention my newly acquired affinity for brazilian alcohol.

life is good here. if my visa wasnt for only 3 months, id leave all of my things behind in america and stay here forever, well maybe id move somewhere where the rent is cheaper. but you get my point

internet was a bitch to get set up on the router, but it seems to be working fine now. i think i start the grind tomorrow

BACK ON MY GRIZZY IMA BONAFIDE HUSTLA

ahhhhh

2009-06-04T10:34:00.000-07:00

good sushi

cheap wine

midnight beach

skinny dipping

harvest grain and oat pancakes

sand between my toes

brazil in 3 fucking days! VAMOSVAMOSVAMOS

im actually connecting on my backhand in tennis

i cant wait to get thrashed around in 15 foot waves all day everyday for 6 weeks.

Escaping Existential Dread...and such

2009-06-01T20:19:00.000-07:00

I wasted most of today. In fact I'm pretty sure I wasted all of today. I slept until 2. Went to breakfast with my grandma, or I guess Brunch would be the correct term, then went to Badcock to buy my grandpa a new recliner for Father's day before I leave for Brazil. I'm even updating my blog twice, that's how I know I have too much time

I spent the rest of the day in and out of sleep, hitting the refresh button on my macbook hoping some interesting discussion would come up on 2p2. I got lucky and hit the jackpot, there was a guy who had an Ask Me Thread about joining the Air Force. Normally things like this wouldn't be so interesting, but earlier in the year, probably around January the same guy made a thread titled "I Feel Like Jay Gatsby".

The original thread basically complained how he was complacent with his life, he had all these goals, most centered around a Daisy Buchanan in his life, but no attainable means of reaching it. So he said he'd do what Jay Gatsby did, go off, join the military, start a business, get wealthy, come back, and see what all changed. Me and everyone else thought he was talking a bunch of shit, but here he is months later 10 weeks into his air force training program.

I can totally relate to the identity crisis he felt, and I can't say I ever took it as far as he did. He totally restructured his life in the pursuit of a single dream. I've always felt like part of me was Jay Gatsby, or at least F. Scott Fitzgerald. All of his texts are so relatable to the point it's scary. Yet I never took it to the extreme the guy on 2p2 did, and I'm glad I didn't.

From what I gathered, nothing about his situation had really changed, and although he seemed to feel better that his life had some structured and constant significance, but the problems of the past remained, but just distant and shadowed over by his leave.

I guess that's kind of like me and alcohol. Nothing changed, just delayed my experience. Things are better now. I'm letting the entropy of life take over.

I feel pretty independent because I'm letting life take it's own course instead of trying to force every decision and plan things years in advance. I feel no stress, except for when I lose 1k a day playing poker, but money is so trivial anyways. I spend so much, more than I should, and it doesn't matter.

I need to do more random shit to keep my adrenaline flowing. In that sense, tennis has been good for me. So has randomly traveling around the country/world and going to cool events. Maybe money isn't so trivial.

Seeing Mary for the first time in a month tomorrow, it feels like it's been longer. I feel like school has been out for a year, and I don't miss it at all. I wonder if I'll go back?

Lunch with ratsauce89 on Wednesday and Kwame's birthday. Baklava with my lovers and grandparents this weekend. And hanging out with Livia for the first time in a year, that's about the only thing that seems shorter than it really is. Time is so fictitious. Brazil on Sunday. I can't wait to get on the airplane and pop a sleeping pill and wake up away...

Game 6

2009-06-01T15:51:00.000-07:00

Game Six was Crazy. Here's the email I sent to the Orlando Magic, Amway Arena, OPD, and posted other versions on several major internet sites. People have suggested I send the story to HBO and try to get it featured on Real Sports

Let me preface this email by saying that I have literally been to hundreds of sporting events, both amateur, collegiate and professional. I understand that there will be heckling and needling from opposing fans, and that's something that has to be dealt with. But last night was excessive to the point where I needed to have a escort back to my car. I never understood how things like this: http://samotalis.blogspot.com/2009/0...n-nigeria.html could occur until last night.

I bought 2 tickets from twoplustwo.com for $525 each, one for me and one for a lady friend. Something came up and she was unable to attend, so I took my best friend with me, who is a huge Lebron James fan. I am neither a Cavs fan nor a Magic fan. I was totally indifferent to the outcome of the game since my team (Lakers) had early gotten their spot in the finals. I went to this game with the sole expectation of having a good time and seeing a good matchup with Orlando being able to put away the series at home, and Cleveland needing to win on the road. It was shaping up to be one of the better games of the postseason, which is why I paid so much for the tickets.

When we got to the arena, I bought a few hundred dollars worth of apparel. I got a Magic shirt, an Eastern Conference Finals shirt, an NBA playoffs shirt, and a Lebron James jersey to match that my friend was wearing. I figured it wouldn't be an issue since we were sitting behind the basket on the visitor's side.

We get to our part of the arena, and the usher brings us down to our seats about 15minutes before tipoff. The seats were awesome. We were sitting front row behind the visitor hoop, with all the sportscasters and such in front of us. We get some crap from a few magic fans, and some praise from the few cavalier fans, everything seemed normal as far as sports games go

The game tips off and the magic jump out to an early lead. The cheerleaders and such are in front of us waving flags and jumping up and down. So me and my friend stand up to see over the flag. The guys behind us ask us to sit down. I tell them that we cant see since there is a giant flag being waved in front of our faces. One of them tells me that I need to sit down before he knocks me out. They had clearly been drinking. So we sit down, and the flag people go away after a few minutes. Then they come back again and we stand up, because i'm not going to pay 1k for a game and not be able to see everything. The guys behind me call security and the cops and complain that we are standing up.

The cops/security laugh at them and tell us that we paid for the tickets and we can do whatever we want and just to ignore the people behind us. So we do just that for the rest of the game.

For the remainder of the first quarter and most of the second quarter we are both standing and sitting depending on what game action dictated. i would stand up to take some pictures when cleveland was nearing the basket and then sit back down when orlando was on the opposite side of the court. towards the end of the second quarter this big bulky cavs fans comes running down the stands by where im sitting and tells the guys behind me to knock it off. apparently each time i had been standing up, they had been spitting in my seat. he had watched them do this 4 different times. the guys started yelling at him, and he told him that hed beat the living **** out of all 3 of them if they did anything else. i told the guy and everyone else to chill out, im just trying to watch the game. the big cavs fan called security to point out to them what he had seen, and security saw the spit in my seat. the security guy took note of the spit and told the people behind us to calm down and that we had paid for our seats and we could use them as we pleased. being disgusted, this ensured i wasnt going to sit down for the rest of the game.

there was a guy next to us, in our aisle of 3 that i had not mentioned up to this point, because he had hardly talked or said anything. he was an older man who had bought his tickets through craigslist from the same guy i got my tickets from. during halfttime he left and came back with 3 beers, and gave 2 to the guys behind us. after that he went and talked to some security people on the floor and i saw a lot of pointing going on in my general vicinity. i just kept watching the game

After a few minutes, the head of security walks up to me (Security Head is what it said on his badge, I didn't catch his name, though I should've. I'd definitely recognize him, he was an older man) and says to me "one more ****up and youre out of the game" i ask him what he's talking about. he tells me that "youre not allowed to spill beer or spit on other people". "you also need to sit down". i try explaining to him that there was another security person who had just talked to us not even 20 minutes ago, and that it was the people behind us who were spitting on US, and that im not even 21, or drinking, and i hadnt even left my seat to get food or use the bathroom the entire game because of what i thought the people behind me would do to the seat. but he said "one more word and im taking you out of the game now"

so we had to sit down, after the guy next to us had clearly lied to security, most likely in exchange for a free beer from the guys behind us. the guys behind us started kicking our chairs, and eventually kicking us directly in our spines. they spit on us more and poured beer all over us. i complained to a amway arena floor person but he said there was nothing he could do besides call security, which clearly wasnt on our side. i ask the guy next to us what's wrong with him that hed have to lie and get us in trouble, and he says "you were being inconsiderate and childish"

you mean because i didnt sit down voluntarily in a seat that was spit in? im at a playoff basketball game, not a croquet match. that calls for excitement, ive never even heard of sitting down at a sports game. there were hundreds, if not thousands of people standing up for the duration of the game throughout the arena.

the game wears on and the abuse continues from the people behind us. the guy next to us starts getting in on it too, everytime the magic would score he would go "how do you like that one bitch?" and a slew of other insults, and we couldnt say anything back since security would eject us from the game if we did anything at all. so we sat there in silence trying our best to watch the game

meanwhile the guy i bought the tickets from txts me and asks me how the seats are. i tell him it's awful as im being kicked in the back. he asks why and i explain that the guy next to us he sold the tickets to is a liar. he tells me he knows nothing about the guy, except that his name is XXXXX.

the game goes on, and the guy next to me is needling me on saying how everyone should take me out back and beat my ass out of principle for wearing a lebron james jersey. mind you he is easily in his 40s and im 20. at this point i tell him "listen XXXXX, you need to calm down or im going to file a formal complaint"

at this point he literally snaps. "HEY YOU LITTLE MAGGOT COCKED **** SUCKING MOTHER****ER. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM? I WILL **** YOUR WORLD 6 WAYS FROM SUNDAY. ILL GET YOU ARRESTED RIGHT NOW. I WORK FOR THE ****ING FBI, ILL TRACK YOU DOWN WHERE YOU LIVE AND SLIT BOTH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY'S THROAT. YOU PICKED THE WRONG MOTHER****ER TO MESS WITH TONIGHT. JUST WAIT UNTIL THE GAME IS OVER"

he is literally screaming this at me, and then he pushes me. there are some magic cheerleaders and some other reps watching, but they dont say anything. i wonder how this can go on, as i use every ounce of self control in my body not to start a fight with the guy next to me. some guy walks up to us and asks what's going on (I think he was part of the floor crew, he was a younger guy wearing a suit), and i try to explain the death threat i just received, but everyone around me except for my friend says im lying, and the guy next to me was just talking about the game.

at this point im ready to leave, theres a few minutes in the game and the magic have it sealed anyways. i look for someone that will be able to get me real police and get me out of there. i find an NBA representative and he calls OPD for me, and OPD and a Amway Arena official escort me and my friend from the stands. as we're walking away the guy that was next to us yells "YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CANT HIDE YOU MAGGOT MOTHER****ER, YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE GOING TO DIE"

I don't know if anyone else heard him as he said this, but it would've been hard not to. Regardless, nothing was done. We get into a back part of the arena and take our cavs jerseys off fast. I tell them i need to file several complaints and they take me up to the main office, and give me a list of email addresses.

After they give us that, an amway arena event coordnator (Eric Staufer) escorts us a few blocks back to near where our car was. Eric was a nice guy and the biggest help we received all night.

I look at my phone in the car and have a few texts from the guy I had bought the tickets from asking what happened. I guess he had received some threatening messages from the man about getting the FBI on him and his family. The guy I bought the tickets from has his email address, and first and last name. I do not know what I am going to do with this information but am open to any suggestions from you guys.

I'm going to forward versions of this to the NBA, Orlando Magic, Amway Arena, and Orlando Police Department, as well as post my experience on several major websites and blogrolls. I don't really know what if anything I can do though. I was literally scared for my well-being for a good majority of the second half, and didnt even get to enjoy the game.

I was mistreated and ignored throughout the night by security and event staff. Had the situation been addressed sooner I wouldn't have had to have an escort to my car and had my life continually threatened. When I got home this morning, do you know how hard it is to explain to your grandparents that you received death threats at a basketball game instead of having a good time?

I literally did nothing to antagonize anyone, as farfetched as that might sound. I have several pictures on my camera that I will forward to you when I can get them uploaded. They will show people who you can get in contact with who work for your staff who can fill you in on what went on Saturday night.

There are tragedies, like the one following the Manchester United/Barcelona game that are caused by crazed fans that are left unpunished. That situation, the one Saturday night, and others like it could have been prevented if security had been better. I feel that if I had been wearing an Orlando Magic shirt, I would have had no issues with getting security to listen to me. But that's not the way it should be.

I look forward to your response and subsequent action,

-Marty Mathis

Entry 2

2009-05-07T11:46:00.000-07:00

Stopped over in Houston yesterday around 10am at Richie's sister's house. He took a nap while I went out to lunch with an old friend from Bay Town. After that I ended up going to lunch again with Richie and his family to this mexican restaurant that made your guacamole at the table. It was pretty awesome to see them mash the avocados.

After that we left from Houston and drove straight into Albuquerque only stopping for gas and piss breaks. It was like 13 hours and I played poker for 12 of it, hitting the worst run of my entire career. Texas is literally the worst state ever.

It was fun taking a piss in the middle of nowhere while grinding though.

My connection was kind of shady, dropping at every crucail time. But I'm 100% convinced that was pokerstars and not my aircard. I'd only drop connection when I was at a final table. I'm not even being paranoid or bitter, that's just the way it was.

We got into our hotel at 4.30 local time and got a late checkout, but housekeeping woke us up anyways, despite our do not disturb sign. they kept banging on the door and yelling. richie called them the fucking gestapo.

were driving through new mexico now and my connection is in question, so im just going to watch six feet under until we get into the california valley tonight. thatll be safe grinding.

i just saw an indian wearing a head dress in a van next to us. i also saw a motorcyclist with a stuffed monkey hanging off the back. otherwise today has been uneventful.

in other news, florida's buyin is no longer 100max. it kinda kills home game action, so it's a double edged sword. i think ill spend a lot of time in miami after i get home from brazil

Entry 1

2009-05-06T05:44:00.000-07:00

My goal for the trip was to make money in every state we passed through.

+80 in Florida online

-$12 in florida high carding for gas station snacks (it was sick, i went first and pulled a Q then richie anne sullivaned a K)

-$300 in Alabama grinding 12/45s

Biloxi was a complete and total bust. The economic crisis has really hit the podunk towns of America pretty fucking hard.

We got into the imperial palace around 10.30 and the card room was packed, much to our surprise. Unfortunately all of the traffic was from a private tournament for Mellow Mushroom franchisers and employees. They were all really nice guys, and I got to meet the original founder of Mellow Mushroom (which is a trippy pizza chain based in the Southeast) and like I expected he was a total hippie stoner. I overheard from someone else him recounting a story about an acid trip. I feel somewhat validated I've met the founder since I live behind one and eat there at least once every 2 weeks.

I sat down at a 1/2 table and first hand get rivered for a buyin on a 99Q48 with 97 vs JT. I grind grind a bit more and lose QKdd v TT on a TJ5dd board. He tanked for like 2 minutes on the turn asking if I had pocket Jacks. I almost felt like he was trying to insult me, but then I remembered that I was in Mississippi and people really are that dumb.

I got up and decided to quit. The game broke 45 minutes later. They didn't have enough people to spread a single table of 1/2NL.

We went over to the Beau Rivage to see what the action would be like. I almost didn't get in with my fake, but I get this feeling they obviously just don't give two shits. I look NOTHING like the guy in my picture. He weighs 230lbs, he's 6'4, he has blue eyes and long, curly hair. I am 6'1, 160, brown eyes, short hair.

We sit down at a 1/2 game and the action is loose and the table has really deep stacks. 3rd hand at the table I get AA on the button. 3 limpers. I pop it to 15. Flop is 567 all spades, I have the As. They check and I bet 3/4 pot. Everyone except one guy folds, and he looks at me and says "I'm all in". I snap call and he has QKss. I blank out and lose my $200 in <5min.>

I walked around the slot area looking for cute girls to talk to. No luck. I walked around again this time including older women in my search. Still no luck. I made a third round and decided I'd sit down to anyone who looked like they'd be interesting. I'll be damned, still nothing. Slots players have to be the most depressing human beings on earth. They just sit there and mash buttons for buffet comps.

I finally stopped at a random slot machine and decided I would take a nap. I probably fell asleep for 30 minutes when I wake up to someone shaking me. I assumed it'd be security telling me I can't sleep on the casino floor, but it wasn't. It was an old man who felt the need to inform me that I had stolen his slot from me. Then he accused me of taking his player card, and he KNEW that I had it, so there was no use denying it. He was shouting for security, which was the last thing I needed. So I just walked off to the other side of the floor. All in all it was a bizarre experience.

At the other end of the casino I saw the first slot machine that intrigued me. It was a Slingo Slot. When I was a kid and I first got internet, the first game I ever played was Slingo. It was on AOL games and is quite possibly the most addictive thing ever. So mixed with gambling, I imagine it has ruined a few people's lives. I sat down and put $2 in there. I just bet a penny and I lost. But the slingo board didn't activate. I guess it only happens every so often, but otherwise it's a normal slot machine. I just kept mashing the button, 1 credit at a time until after about 20minutes the Slingo board activated somehow. It was really exciting, I hit some ridiculous stuff and got paid like 590 credits from my single credit bet. I kept playing and was up over $8 and had easily played for an hour. I hit another slingo board, but couldn't connect any lines which put me on total monkey tilt. I max bet my credits and lost my $8.63 within 2 minutes.

I walked back towards the card room and saw Richie standing outside of it, which I hoped would be indicative of his wanting to leave, but we're motherfucking Southern Degenerates, and leaving wasn't an option. He said he wanted to play for another hour. Which meant I had to go back to the slots or find other forms of entertainment.

I hit the bar, and ordered a Newcastle. He told me I could either pay $5 for it, or drink free if I played video poker. I told him I wasn't in the gambling mood and just paid for my beer. Three minutes later, I was shoving my money in the machine. I decided I'd just put $1 in there and bet .25 at a time and do it slowly. I was playing deuces wild. I had no clue how to use the machine, so when I was trying to bet 1 credit, I accidentally bet 4. I hit a royal flush the first hand which paid 100:1. That started the most ridiculous video poker heater ever. I sat there for like 70 mniutes, drank 9 beers, 2 whiskeys and a cosmopolitan and hit every hand this side of the moon. The bar was empty, so the bartender was just chatting with me the entire time. He convinced me that I am going to get murdered in West Texas by a crazed psychopath carrying a chainsaw. I was up $170 even from my $1 bet. I tipped the guy $70 and pocketed $100 for myself.

So by my estimates that brings me to -$402 in Biloxi.

I got in the car and passed out within 3 minutes. I woke up this morning in Bayounowhere Louisiana. I had to pee, but Richie insisted on waiting until the Texas stateline. Four miles from the border we got pulled over by a Vinton city sheriff for going 83 in a 70. Richie explains to him how bad we had to pee, but that fails to save us from a ticket. I had just woken up, otherwise I'd have been 26 tabling SNGs. I wonder how a dumb city sheriff from southern Louisiana would respond to seeing me play online poker in the car?

We pulled into the rest stop as soon as you enter Texas and get confronted by a strange old man. He asks if we were the ones who got pulled over and we of course affirmed that for him. He quote unquote told us that: "THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS ARE THE MOTHERFUCKING WORST. THEYRE ALWAYS OUT TO GET EVERYONE WHO DOESNT HAVE A LOUISIANA LICENSE PLATE. ITS THE WORST SPEED TRAP IN AMERICA. FUCK THEM NOTHING GETS BY THOSE COCKSUCKERS"

We feel somewhat validated by a stranger's empathy.

About 45 minutes from Houston now, where we're stopping at Richie's sister's house to shower. He's going to sleep for a few hours and we'll be back on the road, I guess that's when I'll start firing up tables. I hope the connection holds and we dont get pulled over or slaughtered by a mass murderer via chainsaw

A Degenerate's Odyssey

2009-05-05T19:13:00.000-07:00

I'm on a road trip with a friend I met in home games. We are going from Tallahassee, Florida to San Francisco, California via car.

Expect regular updates

Tales of degeneracy

And much much more

As I type this we are pulling into Biloxi, Mississippi for a 4 hour session at the Imperial Palace. Time to bust out the fake ID again!

so apparently

2009-04-29T10:49:00.001-07:00

this still exists.

brief run down of the last few months of my life:

-i've met a ton of successful people
-my own success has gone down significantly
-i've become completely averse in social situations
-i scratch my head and wonder where my balls went everyday
-ive yet to figure it out, even though ive had ample chances
-i probably was an alcoholic for a good bit. this was expensive and unenjoyable. it just made me sick a lot
-i've become the anti-nit when it comes to money and pressing edges
-i needlessly carry around large amounts of money just so i feel cool, or incase some degeneracy unexpectedly happens
-i play less poker now than i ever have, and i keep saying ill start playing more when school gets out
-i'll be done in 24 hours, and im seriously doubting that validity of that statement

in spite of all of it, im happier than ever

Ok

2009-02-12T09:26:00.001-08:00

I feel like such a liar, saying I'm going to update and such, and then i just never get around to it. It's been a busy week, or two weeks I guess, but here I go. Better late than never.

I haven't played any online poker in almost 2 weeks now, I've just had better things to do, or other things I HAD to do. I was going to try to balance school and poker, but when you mix in any semblance of a social life, that becomes an impossibility. I'm happy with the choices I've made though, but feel kinda bad for my backer. I'm going to put in a ton of volume in the next few days so he doesn't get pissed, and so I can retain my Supernova status, which is pretty useless now. The concierge program was done away with, which basically kills me and how I was making money on the side.

The Biloxi trip was fun. I won my first live MTT ever. It was like a $1 45 man. I raised every hand for at least an hour and a half. I hope 75% of the chips in play for as long as I could remember. I wasn't even winning very many pots at showdown, people were just afraid of me. I have never gotten so many death threats within a 3 hour span. Everyone was gathered around the table watching me, talking about how I must be blessed with Buddha or some other dumb hickshit they could've mumbled. I had a fake ID too, so it was a nice rush when I got interrogated by State of Mississippi Game Commissioners. I felt like Leonardo Dicaprio in Catch Me If You Can. Marty is only my name in Florida, Jeff is my Mississippi. I'm thinking about getting a new name for my future travels. Taking on a whole different persona is just thrilling.

I got back from Biloxi around 5.30 Monday morning and went to class at 8. I still wonder what I'm doing in school. I'm actually enjoying my Economics courses because they're challening. Everytime I finish a problem, homework, or exercise I feel like I've accomplished something worthy. I also like that everything is so logical and concrete, and most of it relates to poker. I had to write a free response on Nash Equilibriums for my Econ Law class, and I explained calling ranges vs Regulars in a SNG. My teacher, who is an old man, asked me to explain it to him further in his office, as he thought it was an excellent example. I think it'd be pretty cool if I could get one of my teachers started in online poker.

Outside of school and poker, I've managed to make my life pretty productive. I guess on a poker note, I am finally becoming a semi-successful staker. It's about time people stopped stealing my money. I have 3 really good horses and a few mediocre ones. The cash has been coming in pretty fast though, even with some 100BI downswings here and there. I'm hoping the trend will continue so my income can become completely passive before I head to Brazil for the summer. Making your money work is such a nice sounding idea, but it's hard as hell to set in motion.

Speaking of Brazil this summer, I applied for my passport last week, after at least 8 months of procrastination. That's the only reason I didn't go to PCA, was because I didn't have a passport and was too lazy to get one. Anyways, I should have my passport in about a week since I did the expedited service, from there I'm going to book my plane tickets with Kwame for our summer in Brazil. We're retards and just realized Summer hereis their Winter, so we had to switch up where we're staying. We are going to be staying in Recife instead of Rio, which should be a lot safer anyways. We're looking for places online right now to stay for the month, and most of the prices are very affordable. We will be in South America for at least a month, and won't stay static in Brazil. We're going to rent motorcycles (too cliche?) and travel down the coast some, and get to see a good bit of South America. I'm in my second semester of Portugues, and I'm going to start using like Rosetta Stone or some equivalent to learn basic Spanish. I'm fully convinced this trip will change my entire life, and I'm worried if I'll want to come back if I go for that long.

After Brazil, depending on the money situation, we are looking to hit up Thailand for at least 2 weeks since everyone on 2p2 loves it. It seems like paradice at an affordable price. Damn that's pretty fucking catchy. I want to close the summer with Lolla again, and this time do it up right with friends that won't stab me in the back.

Not many plans for Valentine's day weekend. I guess I have some VIP Freerolls and even more depressing deep runs to keep me company.

Back For Good

2009-02-03T10:46:00.000-08:00

Hey!

I am going to be blogging again, so to any people who followed my blog before, I'm sorry for my absence. I had a lot of things I had to figure out for myself, and I felt like every time I wrote something on a public blog, it was like I was crying out for help, which I didn't want at all.

So now that I have all of that figured out, or at least contained to a certain extent, I can continue writing; which is something I've always enjoyed.

As before, the primary focus of the blog will be centered upon poker, but that's not necessarily the extent of what I'll talk about, so I welcome any new readers and hopefully I can get all of my old ones back, if they don't feel too betrayed.

I really have no impetus for starting back my blog today, but I had some free time before my next class, since I was both ambitious for once and did my homework. I suppose now is as good of a time as any. But since I have no real impetus for writing, I also have no real content.

I am on the biggest downswing of my life in poker. Over 100 buyins in 60/45s, over 100 buyins in 12/180s, and god knows how much in MTTs. I feel bad for Doug since he has most of my MTT action, but we knew I'd either win him 100k or lose him 100k. It's looking like the former as opposed to the latter, which surprisingly doesn't make my stomach that squeamish. I feel good about everything related to poker, regardless of the money right now. I can't remember the last time I had some angry outburst. I still occasionally shut my laptop or bang my desk, but nothing like before. I bought myself a wired keyboard so it's impossible to throw, and spent a lot of money on a mouse that pretty much ensures I don't want to smash it since it feels so good on my hand and recharges itself every night.

Life is good at the moment too. I've managed to distance myself from my Mom and all of the drama related to that ordeal. It's been hard but I think the worst part is behind me, since she's no longer attempting to make contact with me. I have a few close friends, which I prefer to a plethora of acquaitances. I'm still doing well in school, maintaining that balance between school and poker. I told myself that if I was going to remain in school and not drop out, I was going to force myself to attend classes regularly, which I've kept to. At the same time, I've made poker my primary focus. I didn't play any Sundays last semester because I was attening a campus fellowship, but I made a New Year's Resolution to dedicate sundays to poker. If that is going to be my job, I need to place a special emphasis on it during its most profitable day.

I haven't had a whole lot of free time, but what free time I've had, I've spent watching the Wire. I bought the series boxset for myself for Christmas after hearing rave reviews from everyone I know. Im 3/4 of the way through season 4 and this is easily the best show i've ever seen. The character development and the ability to maintain plot through various seasons is absolutely spectacular. they never really leave anything for open interpretation, since it's always reintroduced and resolved later. I am slowly down watching it because I don't want it to be over. I think it's awesome how they can make terrible people seem so...normal. Like there hasn't been a villain I haven't liked yet. Avon + Stringer were totalyl awesome, especially Stringer. And now Marlow is sooo intricate, it's impossible not to like him. Then Omar, I don't think I've ever liked a TV character more, which is hard to explain. He's a homosexual black man, who holds up drug dealers for a living, killing anyone who gets in his way, but it's so much more than that it's crazy. If you haven't watched The Wire and have 60~ hours to spend, that's how I'd suggest spending it.

I am going to Biloxi this weekend with a bunch of my IRL poker friends that I met playing in home games. I'm not 21, but i'm going to try to pass off as one of my buddies. If I can't, I'm going to get drunk as hell and play PLO in the suite. either way, it should be an exciting trip report